Socks on during sex? you ask, and we’re sitting upstairs at the Cafebrería el Péndulo in La Condesa, overlooking a duo of musicians playing on the raised platform below.
No. That’s weird — it’s, like, weird visually. Why would anyone keep their socks on? That just looks funny. It’s like naked arms, naked chest, naked legs, then WHAT, OH SOCKS — like, oh, you could take all your clothes off, but taking your socks off was too much?
You have a lot of thoughts about people wearing socks during sex …
Because! It looks unseemly. And why are you asking about socks, anyway? You hate wearing socks. You leave your socks in your shoes when you take them off when you get home.
My toes like to feel free.
Yeah, but then you forget to retrieve your socks until you’re going back out and have new socks on, so you stuff the old socks into another pair of shoes.
I mean …
Sometimes, you stuff them into my shoes.
Hey, whatever’s the closest shoe … What about peeing in the shower? Do you have similarly strong thoughts about people peeing in the shower?
… I pee in the shower all the time.
You also pee with the door open.
At least I don’t poop with the door open.
I love how much you love talking about poop. You so naturally revert to poop-talk whenever the opportunity arises.
Hey, everyone poops! Even the Queen of England poops — or, you know, everyone excretes waste, and holy shit, I’m derailed by the arrival of my mango juice. Grande! I’d said when the waitress asked what size juice I wanted, but I’d expected a large the size we get in America — six dollars for maybe sixteen ounces. This large mango juice, though, is in a glass as big as my face, and I’m in love. I already want to order another one.
Would you like a moment with your juice? you ask.
Oh my god, I love mangoes. Do you want some? You can have a little sip if you want, but only if you’re really going to appreciate it.
I’m good, thanks.
Would you like to go back to talking about poop? You were saying something about how even the Queen of England poops.
I mean, I’m not wrong, am I? And think about how shitty you feel when you’re not pooping properly! Poop is important. I actually pooped this morning, and that never happens, so I feel great. I usually get so constipated when I’m traveling, which basically means I’m super gassy and farty the whole time ...
I’m glad even mango juice can’t stop you from talking about poop loudly in public spaces. Also, these beans are great — no, stop, don't say anything about how beans make you fart.